Darkness. I was lost. Somehow I was on this tiny, overgrown path and fear was snaking around my heart like choking vines. I wanted to get off and back onto a safer road. Now. “This is crazy!” I said to the dark. “What am I thinking?!!”
“My ways are not your ways.”, a Voice spoke quietly.
I became still. Listening intently in the dark.
“My thoughts are not your thoughts.” The Voice again.
My heart began to beat faster as Dark was interrupted by Light. I know that voice, and the Author of it both calms and disrupts me with his Presence.
I had become overwhelmed and nervous by the sketchy road down which my passions were leading me. The terrifying feeling of walking a tightrope without a net froze me in place, and I felt unable to move forward or back. The hopeful dream had become a fearful nightmare in my mind. How did it change? I couldn’t even remember when the change had taken place. Hearing that Voice now woke me as if from a deep sleep. I had taken my eyes off the Giver of Dreams looking instead into the doubtful eyes of myself and others as I made plans to turn onto a less-traveled path. My heart had begun to feel foolish and doubtful as I saw the path through their eyes, and faltered at the utter craziness of thinking it could work.
“Walking on water is nothing.”, He said, as I quickly reached for his hand. “It only requires one thing. Keeping your eyes on Mine.” I was immediately buoyed by his words, and the look of foolish love for me in his kind eyes. “Again, I say, walking on water is easy. Being made alive after being dead, is no problem. Making something from nothing, simple. Do you remember our many conversations and My promises to you? Never forget where you have been and the deep depths from which I have drawn you up. Remember what I have done in your heart and what I have said I will do for you.”
I looked from Him back to the little used path, feeling my doubts and fear fade as a sense of childlike anticipation began to grow again inside my heart. “I am thinking too small and reaching too close!”, I thought. “What am I afraid of? It’s not as if I am alone, and when I do fall He lifts me up. He is always with me, and nothing is impossible with him.” The stormy waves of doubt were stilled in me and the feel of His hand in mine felt strong and sure. I looked into His face again and took a step, and then another, smiling with a rising confidence.
Does my reach exceed my grasp or am I only reaching for that which seems possible? Am I expecting God to do greater things than he has ever done or am I relying on my own competence to see me through? Am I keeping Him before my eyes or am I pushing forward on my own determination?
When the disciples saw him walking on the water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out, “It’s a ghost!” But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!” Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”
“Yes, come,” Jesus said.
So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?”
Matt 14: 26-31 NLT