“This is my beloved son, with whom I am well pleased.” Matthew 3:17
Henri Nouwen writes, “These words revealed the true identity of Jesus as the beloved. Jesus truly heard that voice, and all of his thoughts, words, and actions came forth from his deep knowledge that he was infinitely loved by God. Jesus lived his life from that inner place of love…I know now that the words spoken to Jesus when he was baptized are words spoken also to me.”
I wake some days with a hint of sadness hovering around my inner world like early morning mist that gathers in the low places. The mist is tinted with colors of regret and guilt from the past, and carry on it the scents of my present inadequacies and shortcomings. I lay in the dark of morning wondering about the coming day, wondering if these sorrows will grow into a dense fog that I cannot navigate, or if the warmth of the rising sun will simply evaporate them into nothingness. I finally rise and with cup of coffee in hand sit with Jesus a while. Being with him reminds me, as Nouwen observed, that I am the beloved. I need reminding of that it seems like every moment of every day. I am so quick to forget. So quick to turn back to my old way of being. Turning back to continual self-hatred, self-condemnation, and self-recrimination. I wander throughout my inner world, my nose in the air with criticisms and critiques, viewing perceived flaws without compassion.
Oswald Chambers wrote, “What is the sign of a friend? That he tells you secret sorrows? No, that he tells you secret joys. Many will confide to you their secret sorrows, but the last mark of intimacy is to confide secret joys. Have we ever let God tell us any of his secret joys…?” When I hear Jesus say to me, “You are my Beloved. I am so in love with you, and always have been, just who you are in each present moment of your life.”, I am arrested in my wanderings of false righteousness by the unselfconscious love of God. It changes me. Rather, what changes me is the belief of what he says. His secret joy is me. Only he knows my inner world fully. The light and dark. The mountains and valleys. The almost infinite shades of me. He is intimately acquainted with all of me and yet says “I love you” to me with the utmost sincerity and truth. I am his secret joy. My heart delights him, and his heart is the heart of God.
The mists of sorrow melt away in the warm rays of his furious love for me, and bathe my inner landscape with newness of morning light, placing in sharp relief the beauty of every dewdrop tear and grassy blade on my prairie of experiences. My brooding Mountains of Inadequacy are transformed as God’s lovelight defines their created majesty against the blue sky of his smile. He made me, and declared with joy, “It is very good.”
Abiding every moment in Abba God’s love, I am no longer of the world, but only in it. No longer am I concerned with how the world views me, but can walk the gift of this life in the freedom of the beloved. Living my life as the beloved, I walk with the confidence of fully belonging. I am perfectly and wonderfully made for this life and for this time. What I have to offer is good because he is good and he is in me. It is the most important thing I can believe about myself. That his words are true, and his words to me are, “I love you.”.
“Set me as a seal upon Your heart, as a seal upon Your arm, for Love is strong as death, Jealousy is fierce as the grave. It’s flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord. Many waters cannot quench Love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for Love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised.” 1
“…I am with you always…” 2
Outside my window, Spring has arrived. She has begun painting bright green buds in varying shades on the trees and shrubs, sprinkling some with light reds, pinks, and whites. She dips her hand in her basket and scatters wildflowers on the ground as if there is no cost. She takes out her atomizer and perfumes the earth with abandon, skipping here and there, stopping to mist fragrance in a particular place before moving on to do it elsewhere. The perennial flowers, grasses, buds, and evergreens soak in the rich, damp earth, coming alive to pollenate and grow. Birds welcome her enthusiastically with their many songs of busy preparation. Deer and rabbit thank her for the generous supply of tender green shoots, twitching their tails in contented grazing. Furry creatures of all types run and play in Spring’s fresh light, breathing her clean, damp air and drinking in the energy it provides. Others simply lay soaking in the warming rays of her sun, lidded eyes half shut in contentment as flying insects go about their meandering way.
I, too, deeply breathe the air of Spring, my open window an invitation to the influence of her work. I smell the rich earth and feel the tickle of pollen in my nose. However aware my other senses are of Spring’s arrival, my eyes are blind to her this morning. There is beauty and magic everywhere, yet I am unable to see it. My eyes are turned inward. My mind is running, full of today’s goals and tomorrow’s plans. There is so much I am waiting for to happen. So many details to work out. So much arranging to do.
I feel a hand on my shoulder, at the same time sensing a familiar Presence. I hadn’t been aware of it before, but, now with the hand there, I notice the tension in my neck and shoulders. I am not surprised. There is much on my mind and heart this morning. My Friend’s hand rests there as we stand in silence at the window looking out. My tight shoulder feels the realness of his hand. I am drawn slowly from my burdensome reverie by the comfort of his touch. My mind and heart begin to slow in the abiding quiet of his nearness. Then, suddenly, like a deflated balloon, my neck, shoulders, and then whole being relaxes. I am safe. I am His.
He is here.
The thought grew out of the dry cracks of my heart like a budding rose as I hear him say softly, “I am with you.” A smile escapes from within my heart, landing softly on my lips. It is the smile of a child, unconcerned with many things because he is carried by his Father. It is the smile of Belonging.
My Friend turns from the window and stoops to gather the burdens I left at his feet. Lifting them without effort he heads to the door. “Follow Me!”, he calls back. And so I do. With a new heart, I skip shamelessly outside to walk with him into a new day. The sounds of pleasant conversation following us like a fragrant breeze as we travel the road of his choosing.
Spring smiles happily after us.
1 SS 8:6,7paraphrased and capitalized for emphasis
One of the biggest questions on the subject of “Enoughness” is, “What does God think of me?”. It is a question pulled from the depths of our heart, crying out from the place where our inner child is hidden away from the world. It is the question born from a heart that is bound up and walled in by feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and fear.
“What does God think of me?”
It is important to know the true answer. We will believe something, and what we believe is vitally important to how we view ourselves in relation to God, the world we live in , and the people with which we interact. If we believe that, “God puts up with me, is usually disappointed with me, and loves me because he has to – he’s God.”, the way we treat ourselves and walk the journey of life will reflect that belief. We beat ourselves up for being too much of something, or not enough of another thing because of our belief that there is an attainable ideal person. We think we talk too much, are not extroverted enough, or are embarrassed by our own personality, and constantly work to change or improve ourselves after the manner we think will be acceptable. In doing so, we seek to answer the question with our own truth. If I do this, or become that, I will be more acceptable to God (and others). Perhaps you even tie it to the extending or withholding of God’s blessings on you – imagining he’s like a King who holds out his scepter to you in approval, or withdraws it in disapproval. What you believe is important and directly affects how you live this life – in chains or in freedom.
I like to start with this truth. God seeks for you.
Why is that important? Because it answers the question of desire. Does he desire me because I desire him? Does he love me because I am trying hard to be lovable? The answer of desire is this: “This is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son…” (1 John 4:10) Stop for a moment and repeat that familiar verse until it becomes the very fabric of your heart. “This is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us…” HE pursues YOU. Firstly, we do not pursue things which have no value to us. We are made by him in his image. He does not pursue things which have no value to him. Secondly, He is our Maker. Now, don’t get lost in the fog of religion and “church talk” when you read this. This is as real as breakfast. He made you on purpose. That speaks specifically to design. Think of something you have created or designed by your own hands and with your own mind that really gave you a sense of pride. It didn’t matter if anyone even knew you did it, but it was so good that you felt good seeing it. That is a dim version of how God feels every day he sees you. You. He is so proud of YOU. He made you and dances with joy to see you. It is no wonder his heart desires good things for us and hurts desperately for us when we go our own way. So desperately that he made a plan by which we could find freedom – even in our sinful condition. That’s kindness, and the very kindness which leads us to change our minds about ourselves and him.
Let’s talk about kindness. His to you, and yours to yourself. Never treat your heart, your true self, in any way contrary to God’s view of you. The way to avoid this is to daily remind yourself of who he is and who you are to him. You will find that what you believe at your very core will change how you see God, treat yourself, and relate to others. There are present wounds, I know, many of which seem at odds with what I have just said. Do not rely on your emotions or experiences to determine truth. Believe first, and invite Him into those dark places and you will be surprised by Kindness.
You were made for today. God desired you first. God is proud of what he made. You are not too much. You are not too little. You are enough. I say that about the true you. The you that only you and God see. I do not speak of sin or sin-nature, because he has made the way for your sin-self to be killed. Crucified as Jesus was, yet remaining dead. It need not be your master any longer. Who serves a dead master, after all? No, I speak of the inner person, the soul, the true you that was fearfully and wonderfully made. He really, really loves you. He is so proud of what he made. You are unique. You are a treasure. Believe it.
Stop trying to become. What you have to offer is unique and needed today. No one else has your mix of personality, desire, passion, experiences, body, and heart. All of it gives you the ability to walk through your time in history with confidence and freedom. This world needs you! Why else were you specifically created and living today? Find your passion and embrace your Maker. Let him hold you close as you listen to his heart beat for you. Release the inner child bound deep inside and regain the wonder-filled heart of your birth. You belong.
Intimacy with God results in the good kind of change, and we are the ones most surprised by it. Find Him. He’s already looking for you.
You are the God who includes. You are all-powerful and deserving of all praise and glory, yet you come to us with an invitation. Walk with Me, learn with Me, suffer with Me, die with Me, be raised up with Me, dance with Me, glory with Me. With. Me. There is the invitation. Come with Me. Follow Me. Dine with Me. Be joined to Me. The Father, Son, and Spirit are one complete divine Fellowship of Belonging, yet You don’t stop there. The mystery of connection has also been woven by You into the very fabric of humanity. We are created as infinite souls with the spark of Divine Romance in our hearts. We are made with Love, by Love, for Love.
In unspeakable humility You came to us. From limitless power to helpless infant. From Prince to pauper. You came for us. You pursued us. Why? What is Your desire? What longing is found in Your heart that compels You?
“Father, I desire those you gave me to be with me, right where I am, so they can see my glory, the splendor you gave me, having loved me long before there ever was a world. Righteous Father, the world has never truly known you, but I have known you, and these disciples know that you sent me on this mission. I have made your very heart known to them – who you are and what you do – and continue to make it known, so that your love for me might be in them and I in them.” John 17:24-26
His desire is for relationship. It is as simple as that. His longing is to be truly known just as he is, to be loved and desired in return, to do life together with us in the comfort of companionship, to have his good heart toward us be returned back to him in kind. Friendship. Intimacy. Union.
He gave us pictures of his desire everywhere we look. It is woven into the fabric of our being. It is the arms of our parents when we are born. It is the connection of our first real friendship. It is our first school crush. It is the momentary glimpse of completeness in a lover’s eyes. First dates. 101st dates. Long, silent walks holding hands. Meals together. Warm, intimate gatherings with friends. Shared laughter. Shared tears. Connection.
God is not Religion. He is a living Personality.
The answer to the question, “How can we know Him?”, is just this simple. Come to Him. Spend time with Him. Know the Father by seeing Jesus whom he sent. Do life with Him. Plan dates to be alone with Him. Provide for intimate moments, as we do in every relationship that is important to us. Share our deepest thoughts with Him, and listen to the Father’s heartbeat as he holds us close. We must stop trying to be good enough. We must believe in His good heart for us and lose ourselves in His ever-present, inexorable Love. We must understand that this longing from which we cannot escape is also His own. We are made for each other.
His desire is you.
“You will seek Me and find me when you search for me with your whole heart” Jer. 29:13
“I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me.” SS 7:10
It is a revelation to read the scriptures in the warm glow of my Father’s passionate love for me. I read the stories and see myself in the hearts of those whom Jesus touched:
I am the cripple at the Pool of Bethesda, who longed for healing but for many slow, hard years found no one to help him do what he could not do himself. Jesus came and with a Act of Love set me free.
I am the Prodigal Son, who only saw his Father as a stern rulemaker and wanted out from under that all-seeing Eye of Disapproval. He left home with his Father’s money and spent his way into complete inner poverty. I shuffled home in rags, and, falling to my knees, discovered with surprise the eager forgiveness of my Father’s Love. His happy tears on my neck revealed a longing Love that was for me from the beginning.
I am the woman at the well, a broken trail of relationships in her wake and living a lie. Ashamed, an outcast, laboring under the burdens I created, Jesus came and told me everything I had done. All my deeds spilled from his lips, yet His tone was so different from any voice I had ever heard. He knew everything. Things not even my harshest critics new. Things I had hidden even from my own accusing heart. Yet, when He spoke there was no sense of condemnation. Instead, His voice wrapped me in the warm embrace of compassion and a deep, abiding understanding. He saw me for who I truly was and did not turn away. He gave me the courage to extend compassion to my own heart of hearts, and to not be afraid of truth.
I am Abraham. Asked to do something by God which seemed antithetical to His nature. Walking up the mountain with my son to sacrifice the thing I held dearest to my heart. Was He the most important thing to me, or was it my own precious reputation. Was He enough? God introduced Himself to me that day, and surprised me with Union.
I am the rich young ruler, captivated by Jesus, but lacking that one last step to complete abandonment. Going all the way to the edge, unable to leap. Coming to the open door, hesitant to walk through. Not sure of the cost. Fearful of loss. Worried about the wild ways of freedom. By the grace and kindness of Jesus, I have sometimes taken that last step and found myself in a terrifying, exhilarating freefall into the safe acceptance and furious love of God.
I am the disciple Jesus loved, leaning on His chest and soaking in every bit of who He is while I can. Held captive by a love I do not understand.
I am Peter, the Water Walker who is all-in, but easily loses focus. I am Peter the Rock, who knows the bitter loneliness of failure and shame, who’s heart is pursued by Jesus and firmly assured of His eternal friendship, and who now understands the power of compassion.
I am the orphan who belongs, the widow who is cared for, the captive who has been set free, the broken who has been made whole, the lost who is found, the lame who walks, the blind who sees, the destitute who has everything, and the dead who lives. And so are all who have been touched by the living personality of Jesus. A lifetime would not be enough time to write who He is to me, but I feel if I can just introduce you to Him, He will give you in abundance what I cannot.
“Summoning a certain two of his disciples, John sent them to the Lord, saying, ‘Are You the Expected One, or do we look for someone else?’…And He answered and said to them, ‘Go and report to John what you have seen and heard: the blind receive sight, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up, the poor have the good news preached to them. Blessed is he whoever does not take offense at Me.'” Luke 7:19, 22&23
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord you God will be with you wherever you go. – Joshua 1:9
“Abide with Me.”
I am complete in you, Jesus. I agree with you that I am enough. I am loved passionately. You delight in the me of this present moment.
I walk away from my less-wild lovers. I long for intimacy of heart with You. I will allow pain to be present and lay it before you like a child bringing a broken toy to his father. Like a child I come, vulnerable and trusting.
Your words to me are salve to my pain. Your words heal my brokenness. Your passion pours out like wine for me to drink and become intoxicated by your Love. I lean into You, compelled by sorrow into your compassionate embrace. You are the Lover of My Soul. In You I find rest.
Thank You for stress, struggle, and sorrow, for without them I would not come to know You. Thank You for beauty, rest, and joy, for without them I would not come to know You.
If my world crumbles in darkness around me, I am loved by You. If the sun shines brightly with hope, I am loved by you.
Thank You for giving me yourself instead of answers. If I had the choice between friendship with You or having my questions answered, I would choose knowing and being known by You.
You love me with wild passion and long jealously for my heart. You invite and receive me as I am, where I am with eager tenderness every time.
The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.” – Psalm 32:8
“Going a little farther, He saw James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother, who were also in the boat mending nets. Immediately He called them; and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired servants, and went away to follow Him.” Mark 1:19,20
If we accept the invitation of Jesus to journey with Him, it will cost other people more than it costs us; and that is the point of indecision. If we are captivated by the love of Jesus, leaving everything and following Him is freedom and an exciting anticipation of going with Him into the Wild. We do not feel it cost us anything. But if we go, it will cost others dearly.
The invitation “follow Me” is rarely seen as a call to leave something terrible for something better. It is often a call to leave something safe for something dangerous; to leave something known for the unknowable; to leave something which makes sense for something that seems foolish. It is a call to courage. It is the Wild One asking you to join His band of misfits and sinners.
If we follow this wild Son of Man it will mean that other people’s plans will be upset. Some may even cast dispersions on your decision to go and do. We can prevent the disruption; but if we are going to follow Him with our whole heart, we must not do so, we need to let it be.
“He said, ‘Take now your son, your only son, whom you love, Isaac, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I will tell you.'”Genesis 22:2
The hesitation we may feel is often a result of the pride of reputation and the great weight we place on the thoughts of others toward us which digs in like an anchor, slowing our movements. We do not wish to be viewed in any negative light or have “good people” think us foolish or wrong. We do not wish, either, for others to suffer because of us, but our journey with Jesus grinds to a halt when we decide to bear the weight of the cost ourselves. We cannot.
We are such an integral part of the story God is telling that the moment we obey His call, other people’s lives are disrupted. Our pride discourages us from accepting this consequence, but we must accept the humiliation of walking the dusty road with the Man of Sorrows. We must forget what is behind and press forward into the unknown, as we allow the Joy of Him who Loves Us to fill our hearts and minds. Walking like children into the exciting unknown, where anything is possible and magic becomes ordinary.
If we choose to go the way which causes the least amount of pain to others, we will be immediately relieved like the Prodigal with his pocketful of inheritance. But if we follow our heart into the road less travelled and accept the invitation of our Lover, He will supply the needs of those who have been conscripted into the consequences of our choice.
“So Peter, seeing the disciple whom Jesus loved, said to Jesus, ‘What about this man?’ Jesus said to Peter, ‘…what is that to you? You follow Me!'”John 21:21,22
Jesus does not ask anything of us which He has not first done Himself. His obedience to the call of God brought much suffering to other people. He leads us by going first, guiding us toward the only thing that matters. The heart of Abba Father. His eyes were so fixed on His relationship with Abba, that nothing mattered as much as Him. He completely trusted the Father to take care of those whose lives were intimately affected by His obedience.
Be careful you do not come to Jesus with a list of conditions for the adventure He calls you to. He knows the way He is going, so abide in Him and the story He is telling for you. He cares for others just as He cares for you, and will arrange things in His way in His time.
“But standing by the cross of Jesus were His mother, and His mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus then saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to His mother, ‘Woman, behold your son!’ Then He said the the disciple, ‘Behold, your mother!’ From that hour the disciple took her into his own household.”John 19:25-27
“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends…I have called you friends.”1
No one lays down his life for a friend with dispassionate ease. No one dies willingly for another bereft of feeling.
For that to happen, for the ultimate sacrifice to be intentionally taken up, there is first a great emotion. An attachment has occurred, where one soul has found belonging and connection with another. One heart has placed a profound value on another’s heart, and powerful emotions emanate like pain from a wound.
Love is the wound, and willing sacrifice is the balm. It is the only balm which soothes the pain of Love, and it is with great passion that one dives into death for his friend.
I stood by the window and looked out, wondering what adventures waited for me out there. My Friend seems always to have a plan going, whether to send me out on some errand that seems too difficult or mundane, or to lead me on a journey with Him (often including other travelers) which takes us to places I never imagined possible. There are difficulties and dangers to overcome, battles to fight, and unexpected vistas of beauty to discover. I have come to suspect that His errands and adventures have not much to do with reaching the conclusion. It seems as though the Present Moment is the most important thing to Him.
The window is set in a comfortable room I share with my Friend. When we met, he said to me, “Come, I am going to your house today where we will share a meal and get to know one another.” It was as if He was inviting me to my own house, but I knew deep down it was more than that. My house was now His Home, and over time has become more beautiful as a result. I used to be ashamed of where I lived, but with his Presence it is now a place I enjoy being. He is Home to me.
A welcoming fire crackled in the hearth as I stared out in contemplation. I heard movement behind me and his Voice, “I brought you something to warm you.” I turn and he hands me a hot drink. I am constantly amazed that he takes time to serve me. Me!I should be serving Him. He is the one who deserves lavish gifts and to be waited on hand and foot! What he has done for me, I can never repay.
As I take the drink from him, I see the scar on the back of his hand and remember what he did. What a Friend. My eyes linger there on his hand before I look up to see him watching me with that Expression of Love I cannot fathom. I look away, feeling both undeserving and joyful. The way he loves me is overwhelming at times.
I sense he knows what is going through my mind. He said, “Come, sit. Let me tell you something about the day I got these scars.”
Without a word, I leave the window to seat myself in an overstuffed chair by the fire, drink in hand. I take a sip and wait expectantly.
He smiles and refills our cups before taking a seat himself. Leaning back, He looks into the fire as if the story he will tell can be read in the flames. Both of his hands wrap around his cup and I can see each scar clearly – one on each hand. I know his feet look much the same, and once when I was suffering from wounds of my own he lifted his shirt to show me his back, which was laced with a horrifying patchwork of long-healed scars from top to bottom. That day, after touching those scars and hearing their story, my own wounds were miraculously healed.
“Did you know that before I received these scars, that very morning, I talked to our Father about you?” I shook my head. “I asked Him for your heart, that he would keep you from the evil one. I asked that my joy would be found in you. I asked that you would know His love for you, and that the love with which He loved Me may be in you, and I in you. That the world may know that I was sent by the Father and you would be invited to share in the Oneness I have with the Father. I asked Him that you be where I am, always and forever.” 1
My Friend knew what he was about to suffer, and he took time to talk to Abba about me. Always thinking of me. Ever concerned for my safety. Asking that I be where he is. Almost as if he wants to be with me! I could feel my heart beating as my eyes grew damp.
“The way I serve and speak to my Father for you, is for an example. The solution to problems and errands and adventures is not in the doing. The solution is Me. Taking time for our relationship and talking, spending present moments together. Work is often a distraction from our relationship. Keeping busy doing things and working problems out in your mind seems like common sense. Looking to medicine, political solutions, higher education, or evangelization as the solutions may seem like the logical work, but it is not the key.”
“What do you mean?” I interrupt. “How else is progress made but through doing?”
He smiled. “Look at talking to Me through the eyes of the world. It appears absurd. From logic’s view, it is stupid. It makes no sense. Like doing nothing and expecting things to happen by themselves.
When I see the world, do I see nations or races or political sects? Am I a respecter of persons? Am I impressed with the wealthy or disgusted by the impoverished? No. I did not come for that. I came for hearts. The world to Me is filled with hearts. I love every one of them as I am loved by my Abba. He loves you as he loves Me. I do not desire that any should perish. Not one. I love your heart.
It is through our love that I do the work. It is through our relationship that I serve and labor to the Father’s ends. Do not try to arrange life yourself to accomplish great things. You have no work but to come to Me. I give you no special task but to follow Me. I will do the work. I will plan the steps. I will send you out and call you back. I will walk with you and go before you in all things.
Follow Me. Press into Me. Pray. Talk to Me, ask of Me anything. Pour out your heart to Me, and I will make My heart your own. Be so unified with Me that the work I do through you comes as a surprise to you. Have your eyes so fixed on Me that the path you are on becomes unimportant to you. Fall into Me, let go of striving and trying. Abide in Me and I will produce fruit from you that is greater than your imagination. But do not worry about the fruit, either. Only abide in Me and let Me worry about what happens.
Pray, my child. I love to hear your voice. I recognize your voice and come to you. I am always and eagerly near. You are Mine.”
I sigh contentedly, soaking in His company. It is the Less Worried Way. I know in my heart His words are true. I cannot change the world, but He does in his own way. I cannot right the wrongs, but He does in his own time. I cannot love enough, but He first loved me and so I reflect His love back to Him. And to the world, that they may know Him who loves so well.
“I do not ask on behalf of these alone, but for those also who believe in Me through their word; that they may be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world might believe that You sent Me. The glory which You have given to Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected into one, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me.” (John 17:20-23) -Jesus, on the day before He died.
Open my eyes to see you, truly. Open my ears to hear you, clearly. Open my heart to know you completely. Let me explore your heart; I desire to explore the farthest reaches of its inner landscape and to know it intimately. Let me hear your sweet voice and recognize your love for me in its many inflections. Let me feel your gentle touch and the safety of your strong arms around me.
I see your generous gifts to me and am overwhelmed by extravagance. I read the love-notes you leave for me. Your heart for me is revealed in every letter. Your pursuit of me is never-ending. I feel your passion for me and my heart bursts with happiness. Questions fade and troubles lose their power over me as I look into your face and see the delight in your eyes when I come to you.
What can happen that is strong enough to stop your tidal wave of love from crashing on my shores? What question needs an answer when I am so well known and adored by you?
You are my answer, and my striving is rendered foolish in your presence. Your forgiveness is like the warm, morning sun, faithfully rising again in each new day as if for the first time. Your gifts are like the seasons, each unique and beautiful as they arrive. Your love is like the sky, reaching out to endless galaxies beyond time.
You are beautiful. Your heart is mine, and my heart is yours. You have dreamed me into existence and made me. You see me and so love me with a furious longing. I dance like a cork on the breakers of your love, aware of the unsearchable depths beneath me. No matter how much love you give, there is infinitely more available to me.
I was lost on a stormy sea, grasping for my things to keep them from floating away. My possessions, my heath, my family, my reputation, my pride. Striving to gather them close, splashing and swimming frantically to keep them near. Holding on to them to keep from sinking. I was afraid. I cried out for help. You called to me and I heard your voice out of the deep. I let go of everything and became still. I sank into the depths; further and further down I went until I was overcome and drowned. You came to where I was and brought me up. You rescued me and made me new. You gave life back to me. You gave me yourself, holding nothing back. Your loving kindness changed my heart. I saw desire for me in your eyes. You made me well, then you set me free.
This Me of Very Me delights you. With you, I am free to dream and create, to love vulnerably and connect without fear, to walk boldly, to live truly, to laugh joyfully, and to dance wildly. I drink from the cup of your love until I am senseless. I drink and thirst no more.
I eagerly wait for the sound of your voice in the morning and evening, while I work and play, and as I live and love. I love you, Jesus. Thank you for showing the heart of Abba Father to me.