Whispers of Thunder

There are a hundred reasons why not to do something. A hundred reasons why not to risk. A hundred reasons to hide who I am behind who I imagine “others” might find acceptable. A hundred reasons why “it” will never work. A hundred reasons to fear. A hundred good reasons filled with all kinds of common sense. A hundred excellent reasons fixed in the concrete of painful experience. A hundred reasons to believe I am not “enough”.

Jesus is not worried or intimidated by any of it. He is not surprised at my list of reasons. He knows me and likes me. Of course, He loves me, too. He loves me with all my silly reasons. That love is so precious to me, but one can be loved without being liked all that much. It’s nice to know I am liked by Jesus. He loves spending time with me. I’m good company to Him. I get a funny grin as those words are typed out in front of me on the screen. It, too, sounds a little silly and to some maybe even arrogant, but it’s not. If everyone knew that about Jesus – REALLY knew it, as in BELIEVE it – how much better might we treat ourselves and, by natural extension, others.

So when I start to listen to the voice of fear in my mind and agree with it, Jesus is not surprised or alarmed. He has suffered with me through my pain, even more than I. He has cried tears for my tears. He has held me close when I was trying to pull away. He has felt my fear and longed for my freedom with sweat drops of blood. He is my very best friend, brother, and soulmate.

And so, while a song plays in the background, His whispers through a line of verse echo like thunder in the deepest places of my heart, “Even the impossible is Your reality”. And I know it is His kind voice I hear as tears roll down my face. I laugh at my own silliness as I confess openly my fears to Him. I tell Him he is crazy, and with a twinkle He responds, “How long did it take you to figure that out?”.

Another song plays. It seems as if Jesus has decided to use music as His voice today, “Abide with me, abide with me; don’t let me fall, and don’t let go. Walk with me and never leave. Ever close, God abide with me.” I sing along, telling Him I am afraid but if He sticks really close I’ll be ok.

The plans God has for me are good. Like a doting father wishing the best for his beloved son, and the son has it all already if he will only believe it. His adoring gaze assures me that all will be well. I am enough, and I can step out wholeheartedly with courage, knowing I am never alone.

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